JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize