Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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