my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
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After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
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We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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