just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
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she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
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The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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