I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
40s are totally the cure
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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