he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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