im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
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What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
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I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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