How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I have fence marks all over my body
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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