im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
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She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
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Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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