While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
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there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
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I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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