My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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