so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
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im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
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Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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