Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
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I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
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1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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