I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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