what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize