make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize