Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize