Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize