She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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