i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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