You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
im drinking this country out of the recession.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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