All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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