he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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