Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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