i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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