i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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