9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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