She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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