Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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