his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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