Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
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I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
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The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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