The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize