I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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