Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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