scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
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Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
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I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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