FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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