I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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