We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Sacagawea was the original milf.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
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I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
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My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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