why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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