so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She even gives head with a lisp.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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