How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Did I show you my penis last night?
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It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
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Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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