You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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