haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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