I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Help. Why am I so naked?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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