This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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