This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
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I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
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You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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