alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
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24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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