I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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