That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
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I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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