it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
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Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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